broken But beautiful

BBB final i guess

Photo Credits – Collosal

                         As we sip our daily coffee, the warm eclair of bitter bliss dances down our hoarse throats of incomplete sleep and periodical insomnia, our eyes are half sunken into our evanescent thoughts fading in and out, us barely awake. We are still dreaming, perhaps this coffee shall render me conscious and out of this REM of my brain cells. But why, aren’t dreams to be turned to reality? The morning chirper squeaks her little tell-tale through the verandah of my dusty apartment. Does she have something to say, perhaps a debt to be paid? A belief which exists narrates such that everything, every moment, every person you meet, every somebody and nobody has a particular purpose in your life. Seeing rebirth and reincarnation as a ‘business of the unseen dynasties’, our immortal souls all owe some karmic duty to someone and the people we meet are either indebted to us or vice versa due to certain dues in our previous births, and the people with which the ‘transactions’ are then complete, leave us. Just simply out of our lives. That soul in that someone’s body is officially done with us, in all cosmic, karmic, witchy-voodoo aspects. Every human connection can be explained thus and provides our inquisitive minds an insight too provoking to be neglected in the face of the boundless knowledge of the vast universe we are unaware of.

But I yet wonder, if someone is ‘done’ with us, the transaction is completed then why is that emotion not the same for me as it was for you, if that certain century-long debt is ultimately paid? If you left me as you got your end of the bargain, why isn’t the same held for me? Why do I still think about you if our bond has inevitably returned to cosmic dust just like my now shipwrecked soul and I am finally free of some ‘debt’? Ironic how our relation was literally some business game to you and to me a journey where we don’t owe each other feelings, but feel out of our own will, love without reasons. But you left as you met someone more business material and me indebted to this agony you’ve overthrown me with as collateral. This coffee will give sleepless nights nevertheless, the birds will screech disturbingly as they electrocute my flesh and bones with the taser of their unbound ecstasy, my ears ring. I’m stuck in this aura of heightened sounds and fluctuating migraines and nothing can change the fact that my very conscience has broken into invisible shadows and bleeding flashbacks.

But I have hope, like that of an innocent child. Not that I want my life to chime like the bell of that ice-cream truck entering into our hustling streets but maybe I just want the calm breeze to bring my mind some peace too, and not annoyance and a tingling itch to my scarred skin. Some purpose. Some meaning. I’m tired of suffocation. Because I will always be indebted to me for all excursions of my eternal soul, and I owe me life, dance, music, food, art, I owe me joy. I owe me love. And happiness is a choice which I shall choose for myself, by myself, through myself. I wanna fall in love with myself and for that I must accept myself the way I am, however I am. Why should I fall into this never-ending pit of self-hatred? I think I owe me love, I think I owe my scars some air, I don’t want to conceal them anymore, they deserve oxygen. I deserve love and I am capable of it, because I am a stronger being after your every pain you try to destruct me with. And I can stand on my feet with bleeding ankles and smile too. I can have a thousand reasons to cry and yet not cry and stay happy. It is all my choice. I can accept my wounds, however they are, I choose the pain to build my self-esteem, and not tear it down.

I’m broken but beautiful.


Hey Guys! So I posted something in this style again and I can’t help denying that I’m finding writing prose more fun than poems. Of course, I’ve kept my resolution, I’m writing more now that I’m on holiday, my examinations have ended! Also, with the Corona Virus pandemic, I’ve quarantined myself with more activities. Please take care of yourself, wash your hands with soap frequently and maintain social distancing. For my extrovert readers, it’s okay, you can get through this. And please do not take the risk of going out as much as possible. There are a bunch of stuff you can do, thanks to the Internet and its billion provisions, you can read a bunch of books, watch movies you’ve always wanted to. Call up your friends and family, keep your hearts close in spite of these necessary physical distances. Spend this solitude as satisfyingly as possible and try to enjoy this quarantine as much as possible.

So returning to the post, that belief does exist and I have not made it up and is known as ‘Runanubhanda’, according to Vedic Astrology, and is an existing physical as well as emotional bondage with our contemporaries. It can help us understand every encounter that happens in our lives with people, from friends to enemies. It reasons ever suffering we encounter in life with a ready made answer in the unfolding of the past life debts, both positive and negative, from our past.

The latter that follows just has one underlying message – you cannot control what you feel. Believe me. You can only accept them and accordingly take an appropriate decision. You cannot change your feelings, numb or suppress them, you can only affect the way you go about your feelings, how you deal with it. It’s okay if you weren’t okay. It’s okay to feel angry, hurt or sad. It’s okay and you do not have to beat yourself up for it. You’re only human, you learn and you grow. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. You are capable of love and it begins from you yourself. There’s a unique beauty in self-love and it’s never too late to fall in love with yourself. You will always be with you in this journey of life. There’s beauty in your scars, your pain, the hurt and you can heal and you will heal. You deserve more than painful love. Life is moving and the healthiest thing for your heart is to move with it.

Just believe in yourself. You’re worth having hope, no matter what💕


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When The Heavens Whispered

heaven whispers

Photo Credits – Pinterest

It rained,
The pink of the flowers melted into a mystical mauve of matte,
As the skies spilled their tales into a cascade of condensated love,
The soil gained a unique freshness and sprayed the air with the calmness of a mended soul,
And the edges of the leaves curved concave,
As the nectar of the sapphire sky slept unto the moss green bed,
And they shone emerald green just like your eyes,
Only that I just saw the exquisite beauty of the emerald,
And never saw your true stone-self.

I feel the beguiling beads drop,
From the heavenly realm of jewels on my bruised skin,
It penetrated my heart when those beads quenched my thirst as they fell unto my lips,
The maple syrup of the sky,
Now reminding me of the maple of your mouth on my dry lips,
And the way it tasted,
As it gushed gradually down my throat and my tongue craved more,
Because your caressing hands on my shoulder took the weight of the world off them.
I sighed with satisfaction while this alluring peace my soul absorbed,
Like waffles absorb maple syrup.

But who knew that your nectar would drench me and slowly drip my self-esteem,
But then again, I was blithely unaware,
That your maple was poison in guise of the sweet bliss of your lips,
Breaking the waffle of my heart into shattered crumbles.

I drown myself in the tranquility of this secluded paradise,
I let the skies bleed purple shades of hidden bruises,
They blend into the amber of the threshold of the bijou empire,
It’s not raining anymore.

My lungs came to savour the breath of freedom,
I let the streams of the translucent skies dilute the colors of my tainted galaxy,
I ingested the shattered showers,
Because I was tired of my own tears quenching my thirst.

Maybe the soil will absorb the peace,
And the prying eyes will once again self-hydrate,
But my throat is nauseous of the taste of my lacrimal salts,
I won’t let heartbleed be my life’s sole flavour.

I’ll be a warrior and I’ll embrace my scars,
With heartbreak as my healing balm,
I won’t be a prisoner of your love,
I’ll let the rains take my misery.


Originally posted on Medium via ACorneredGurl, you can check it out here!

‘Ello Guys! Yes, I know, I’ve been posting after a really long time. Like a really, really long time but my final terminal examinations are in progress and have kept me busy. My last paper’s on 27th February and I promise to seriously dedicate myself to this blog since that day, plus my holidays will start from then therefore will have plenty of time to surprise you and keep you tuned! I seriously apologize for the inconsistency.


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Prey

Ruthless rage taking over my bruised body,
No self-control, as you have driven me into this rapt insanity,
Every wee fraction of a second,
When I’m lost in your tormentous thoughts,
Your vile face appears,
And dims the brightness in my welled up eyes,
Glistening due to the salty streams,
Regularly trickling down my cheeks.

And all I can think is..
How?
How did I deceive me into thinking your soul was pure,
Capable of loving me and to be relied on in need,
How did I fall for you unaware of where would I reach?
And now I’m aware what your love truly meant,
I trusted you and had faith in you,
And you betrayed me and left me to pay the price,
Now that I’ve reached a dead end.

My soul’s drooping due to the pain you imparted,
Every acrimonious word you gracefully curse,
From your torn lips burns my body into deeper wrath,
And I’m hurt ah, so deep!

Like a thousand needles piercing the peace of my pumping heart,
Enforcing me to bleed out the unbearable affliction of your so-said ‘affection’,
And my everlasting agony doesn’t seem to cease,
As I hallucinate into wild visions,
Believing my scarred soul deserves to be wounded.

You said that you would hate yourself if you ever made me feel bad,
But you don’t have to do that if even if you mistakenly meant it,
And now I am feeling hurt and I request you to not impose any hatred over yourself in all seriousness,
As I’m all ready to hate you without hesitation.

I was the innocent sheep in your pack of ‘easy’ prey,
But now the wild beast within me,
Has paused its temporary sleep,
And opened my eyes,
And ignited my true fire.
I’m on my way,
To fulfil my demonic desire,
For that’s exactly what you deserve.

And beware me,
Don’t you dare think I’m a easy, delicate person so I’ll be your delicacy,
Because I’m coming for you.

My ever-increasing vengeful conscience,
Wants to hurt you like you had,
I want to fiercely feast on your fiery flesh,
And quench my thirst with the finger-licking blood from your heart,
Which I’ll pull out from your hollow chest and rip apart,
Making you lifeless and alone,
Which is how exactly I felt when you did that to me.

But I’ll take my time.
With my eyes I’ll ensnare your limbs and hands and ludicrous fingers,
Which threatened me to be strangled to death and to rot within my grave,

My control won’t be deadly at first, but enticing.
For I’ll seduce you,
And tempt and allure you into irresistible ecstacy,
And when the time comes,
I’ll tear your body apart.

The sickness of your devoid soul will reside in the saturated blood of your treachery,
And I’ll drain every ounce of it.
And pleasure me with the skin,
Which used to hold me close and caress my shoulders,
Now left hanging from the brittle bones of your meek limbs.
As I get highly drunk on your ravishing red wine,
And my soul satisfies the gruesome greed of your fulfilling blood.

As now,
I’ll be the predator, and you’ll be the prey,
And my splenetic heart shall have its deadly desire,
And suffice with the lucid feast of your succulent bones,
And wrap myself in the comfort of your cries begging for help from your bleeding throat.

As I’ll have my cold revenge,
And bleed you to death.
And finish the deadly vice of your love.
Which you bestow upon your herd of sheep,
Veiled with false truths to conceal your true intentions of wild lust.

So,

Wanna play this archaic game of preying madness?

Babe🖤?


So, I wrote this poem inspired from one of Ed Sheeran’s songs named Don’t‘.

Basically, the main themes in this poem on which I tried to emphasize are Revenge and Betrayal. The poem tries to convey the dreadful desire of revenge which many people at times feel like seeking, due to heartless betrayal of someone’s love and trust. Even though I feel it’s better to forgive than seek revenge, but everyone at times feels like tormenting the ones who tormented them, trying to make them pay for their deeds, to reap what they sowed.

The main reason behind taking revenge is to gain satisfaction that the person who hurt you is hurt too the same way. However, in my perspective, taking revenge just indirectly conveys that you need someone to relate with you and support you, and give you a shoulder to cry on. Plus, revenge can easily lead to guilt, because when we feel vengeful, we do tend to not have a limit of the revenge sought, leading to hurting the person more than they deserve.

Also,

If you torture just the person just like they did to you, what will be the difference between you and that betrayer?

Only forgiveness will make you the better person. Otherwise, the person you take revenge against and you are just equals. And more than forgiving the ones who break your trust, one first must learn to forgive yourselves. It’ll make you feel less burdened and lighter. It’s the only true and appropriate key to peace.

******************

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